Despite having a degree in psychology, I actually quite dislike using terminology to define how I’m feeling. Perhaps it’s because the degree makes me more aware that I’m just plopping down labels that may or may not completely fit my experience.
That said, there is one label I’ve been feeling pretty hard lately: Imposter Syndrome. Defined as the tendency to feel as though success is not deserved and that you will be exposed as a fraud.
To be clear, I know I’m not a fraud. I’ve said many times that I know story (because I do), and I’m comfortable in that knowledge because I’ve been cultivating it for over ten years.
So why the recent imposter feelings? I think this comes with the territory of shifting professional gears. Technically, I’m still inhabiting the genre-fiction space, but rather than doing so through strictly analyzing/editing books, I’m coming at it from the angle of story as an experience. Hence the incorporation of TTRPGs alongside novels. As a result, this comes with a desire to appear as if I know what I’m talking about (which, again, I do). But knowing I know something and feeling like other people think I know something is two different things.
I view this blog as a way to help deal with Imposter Syndrome. I’m putting my thoughts out where anyone can read them to be consumed. Based on my opinions and expertise, people can then decide if I’m someone worth listening to or just the latest charlatan trying to make a buck on the internet by telling them what to do. Even though I’m not telling anyone what to do—just exploring how different types of stories offer different types of experiences. It’s not like I’m penning grand papers on highly technical processes that will change life as we know it. There really shouldn’t be the potential to feel like an imposter in a field where pretty much everything is subjective.
And yet, here we are.
But as often happens, doing something completely unrelated to fiction, writing, or gaming offered some insight. I’m a consistent consumer of content from Heather Cox Richardson, an American historian who relates current events to history (and does a fantastic job of it, in my opinion). Anyway, I was listening to one of her podcasts last week, and it hit me that she’s highly knowledgeable, clearly an expert in her field, and yet she will sometimes just be like “folks, I’m terrible with names, I apologize.” As far as I can tell, no one really minds.
And perhaps more important, she doesn’t mind. She accepts that she knows her stuff but also has areas where she isn’t as strong. When those areas come up, she does her best, doesn’t make excuses, and just admits it’s not her strength—moving on. I accept this because the content she produces is valuable (at least to me), and since everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, no big deal.
💡
Hey, here’s a thought—I should apply this to myself.
What a concept!
🤸♀️
Okay, yeah, sure, maybe it really is that simple. Not necessarily easy—the imposter thoughts still rear their ugly heads and make me afraid someone’s going to convince a not insignificant percentage of the population I’m an idiot, and there goes my ability to say things that matter to me.
You know, that sentence looks even more ridiculous on “paper” than it did in my head.
People are people. We’re all going to have different opinions. I welcome the questions and the criticism. I’m not saying I’m okay with blatant name-calling, insulting, or other forms of abusive behavior—I’m not. But I see no reason we can’t have a respectful discussion if you disagree with my ideas. Or if I disagree with yours. Particularly about storytelling—a literal tale as old as time. My hope is for you to read something I wrote and walk away thinking about new ways to create or interact with other people’s creations. It’s not for you to think “I’m doing everything wrong because Mary said so.” Please, please, don’t do that. Everything I say isn’t flawless gold. I’m not perfect.
And though I may struggle with it sometimes, I’m okay with that.
So if you have thoughts, leave a comment. Let’s chat. Likely, we’ll both learn something, which is fantastic.
👋 Fair travels,
Mary
P.S. A big thanks to PellissierJP from Pixabay for the image.
P.P.S. Also, you can find Heather Cox Richardson on Substack here.