One of my favorite things about D&D is the social gaming aspect of it. That’s really where I sit in the gamer world.
Fortunately or unfortunately, gaming with other people inevitably means there will be clashes, disagreements, and moments where everyone stares at someone thinking “wtf are you doing?”
I’ve done this last one to people. And I had it done to me the other night.
Without getting too much into the weeds, our group had been tasked with clearing a group of monsters out of an abandoned town. Since we were very outnumbered, we came up with a plan to give them poisoned ail so we wouldn’t be starting at a disadvantage. This included an NPC (non-player character) who had taken a liking to my very charismatic bard after she fed him and helped him find his way home. So when it came time to offer him ail, I fell off the plan and got wish-washy about poisoning him.
In the moment, I couldn’t explain why. Sure, I felt bad since he liked me, but that wasn’t fully it. There was also an underlying feeling of “poisoning this guy is a bad idea.” I didn’t really understand it, and I had no clue how to explain it to my teammates, who were understandably less than thrilled with my choices. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to take it back.
To use a metaphor, I was deep in the tunnel and knew there was light up ahead somewhere. But I couldn’t see it.
By now, I hope my teammates have crabbed about their disapproval, gotten over it, and won’t tell me I’m the worst player who ever played and to get lost at our next session. (I doubt they would do that last one, but stranger things have happened.)
Meanwhile, I’m over here, still in the dark. But beginning to see some light.
In the very off chance my GM reads this, I won’t put my more formed thoughts down for him to take advantage of. I will say that the nebulous “don’t do this” feeling has transformed into something much stronger and more assured. What started as a total gut feeling I couldn’t explain has taken on meaning in the few days since that session. It wasn’t until the next day that I even started to get a clue about why I made that decision. But I went with it anyway. I took a chance on my character and the story that would unfold as a result of her decisions.
Will it work out? No clue. I hope so.
Whether it does or not, though, I’ve learned something important about storytelling: Sometimes, you just have to trust your gut.
You may know without a shadow of a doubt that your protagonist needs to let the villain’s sidekick live. You don’t know how or why. You just know. You can try to fight it, but odds are good you’ll just waste energy and end up going back to your gut feeling.
I’ve been creating stories long enough to know that they often know where they’re going long before I’m consciously aware of how they’ll get there. Those gut feelings have likely led me to many things that work, and away from many things that never would have. I’ve just never really understood what was happening or how I was making those choices. Not until this week.
Again, will it work out for my D&D group who hopefully doesn’t want to murder my very squishy bard? I don’t know.
What I do know is that, from my gut feeling, I have a plan, a backup plan, and a sense that I can make it work. Some of it is up to the dice, and some of it is up to what other people do.
All I can do is stick to my gut feeling and do my best to get out of the tunnel into the light.
👋 Fair travels,
Mary
P.S. A big thanks to jplenio from pixabay.com for the image.
