by David Beem

Our dork of destiny rides again!

Edger is falling for Mary, his bodyguard, kick-ass spy, and cover wife. But she’s so hopelessly out of his league, it’s clear someone’s going to get hurt. Less clear? That someone may be the Prime Minister of Australia.

When Mary confesses her desire to kill the world leader whose assassination Edger’s supposed to prevent, Edger’s superpowers pick the worst time to stop working. Without a fully functional psychic superhero, their team of spies can no longer order him to probe Mary’s mind for ill intent. The stage is set for a confrontation that threatens to strip a defenseless Edger of his loyal protector just when he needs her most.

Return to the Collective Unconscious, this time with Listerine-chugging stoners, Hollyweirdos, commie-alien-kung fu robots, one space gorilla-unicorn, and an exceedingly lovesick Vladimir Putin.

Mind your fingers and toes on page 270. Those skydiving mind-control monkeys have been known to bite!

I find Mary in the walk-in closet after her workout. Three of her peering back at me with wide eyes. Four, if we count the sweaty, pheromone-blasting, flesh-and-blood Mary in the middle.

Her hands glide down her hips as she turns sideways. The mirror reflections copy her like evil clones. Her head tilts, and her unreadable gaze scans from three angles every inch of her toned physique. She eyes the contours of her breasts in an understated Calvin Klein sports bra; she examines her sculpted midriff and the concavity of her bellybutton. The Gigantic Rock glinting in the mirrors, her thumbs dip below the waistline of her yoga pants, cruise outward along the elastic, and tug once. She bites the corner of her glossy pink lip and scrutinizes every possible curve from the waist down—and with legs like hers, it’s a long way down—before flitting up to find mine, spanning those sexual leagues in an instant, and landing her gaze like a side-kick to the gut. I can barely breathe.

Air squeezes into my lungs like I’m sucking it through a straw-sized snorkel. I’m slouching. Better stand up straight. Unlock my knees. I’ve got to get it together. If she and I are going to live under the same roof, I can’t be falling over every time she has the audacity to exist. Otherwise, I’ll need some kind of house scooter to motor around on my butt all day. Beep-beep, coming through, time to brush my teeth—well, well, don’t you look hot again—okay, faint on you later.

~Follow the rest of the tour

This book definitely has a lot going on. For those seeking a fast-paced experience told from multiple angles with a little bit of mysticism, superheroes, politics, and romance, this is your book.

For me, I was very intrigued by the blurb. Unfortunately, the book didn’t draw me in as much as I hoped. I found the many aspects I list above to be a little too much. This is a very subjective thing, and others may feel differently. In my case, this book pulled me in too many directions, and I couldn’t find my feet, so to speak. I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be a superhero story with some political satire elements or a political satire with sci-fi themes. Pile on a lot of Vladimir Putin/Trump administration jokes and altogether too many Star Wars references even for me, and I just felt bogged down.

There were some real solid moments of humor and character depth. Again, though, I found them to be too few and far between. Edger would have a real deep moment, and then it would get destroyed by some sarcastic comment. While I don’t mind this kind of thing once in a while, it happened a lot here. After a while, I just wanted him to have a genuine moment.

There is a lot of swearing, so if that bothers you, stay clear. I would also say this book would appeal more to guys. A lot of the headspace is from men (with appropriate “man” thoughts, especially about attractive women). The women all seem to be super-hot and constantly showing off their hotness (whether willingly/knowingly or otherwise). Final thought: I don’t think I’m the target audience for this book, and the content just felt too far from my thought processes for me to get into the story.

David Beem loves superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family and crippling self-doubt. To help actualize David’s inner confidence, visit his website and buy all the stuff.

Visit his Amazon Author Page


David Beem will be awarding a $25 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour.

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3 thoughts on “EDGER LIVES by David Beem

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