EDGER (audiobook) by David Beem
Narrated by Vikas Adam
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Meet Edger (Ed-jer), a twenty-six-year-old gadget retail dork destined to become the world’s first superhero! His superpower: the ability to channel the Collective Unconscious, a psychic network connecting the living and the dead. In his arsenal are the skills of Bruce Lee, the strength of Samson, the wisdom of the ages…and the dancing chops of Michael Jackson—including that one twisty foot move, crotch grab, and fedora tilt. But there\’s a catch… Like every psychic super power to get administered through a hypodermic needle, this one comes with a prick. Someone seems to have misplaced the booster necessary for stabilizing his superpower. Without it, Edger has three days before his brain turns to pudding. Join our Dork of Destiny as he overcomes the world’s greatest butt, two rival Cluck-n-Pray gangs, an evil cow, a Green Bay Defensive Tackle, rifle-toting assassins—and a pair of stoners who inadvertently create the world’s first supervillain after a wild night on Twitter!
Red letters scroll across the heads-up display.
Yes, I know.
RECOMMENDATION: ACCESS COLLECTIVE UNCONSCIOUS.
I focus on the red circle in the HUD labeled “Collective.”
Buh… anyone in the Collective got any bright ideas?
Roaring voices deafen my ears. Billions of lights streak past. I stagger backwards. Too much! The processors in my suit narrow down possibilities. Billions become millions. Thousands become hundreds. Finally… one. Gravity triples in my limbs from the fatigue of thousands of pull-ups, flutter kicks, push-ups, and sit-ups done in a single day. I’m shivering. Can’t stop. It’s hell week in BUD/S training. In and out of the ocean. Swimming miles against the clock. Cold… so cold. Face-down in the mud; holding my breath; lifting telephone poles; trembling muscles; falling painfully on my gun; moonless nights; stalking from the shadows; rescuing hostages; do I have what it takes to make it till morning?
Heard you could use a hand, sir.
The life behind the voice completes its fast-forward. It belongs to one Lieutenant Trevor Killmaster, Navy Seal. College champion swimmer. Fifteen deployments. Eighty-seven confirmed sniper kills. I’m breathless and sweating. My tired limbs get their strength back. I try to hold onto everything I’ve seen. Killmaster grew up in a little place outside of Santa Barbara, where he met his wife and bought a home.
He wears Old Spice.
You’re telling me, sir, Killmaster replies.
I slide onto the barstool to gather my thoughts.
You know, I’m not really much of a… sir.
Killmaster replies: You are today. Sir.
AN INTERVIEW WITH DAVID
-What inspired you to become a writer?
Opportunity. I was formerly a concert cellist, but a neurological disability ended my career around the same time our son was on the way. I took the opportunity to raise him, and the writing began as a creative outlet.
-If you could visit your book’s world for a day, what one thing would you do?
Probably hang out in sunny San Diego! Zoo, beaches, Gaslamp Quarter. You name it!
-It’s two in the morning. What does your protagonist reveal in confidence? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell.)
HA! Well, this is a tricky question because I’m here today promoting book one of series (in advance of its audiobook release) but my protagonist has grown quite a bit over three books. I’ll take the question as it would apply to book one and tell you he’s pretty hung up on his ex-girlfriend, Kate.
-Which of your characters would you go out for drinks with?
Pretty much any of them EXCEPT Wang and Shmuel. A night out with them would probably end in jail. BEWARE.
-You’re in a tavern, and a dwarf challenges you to a duel. What do you do?
I’d tell him dueling is immature and that dwarf needs to grow up! 😉
-Is there a genre you could never write? Which and why?
I’m not sure. I hate to use the word “never,” but it’s safe to say I won’t be writing highly technical science fiction. I’m talking about the stuff written with intimate knowledge of engineering and astrophysics and granular in detail on all that. If I can’t read it, you can be sure I can’t write it.
David Beem loves superhero movies, taekwondo, and flossing. He lives in Djibouti with his family and crippling self-doubt. To help actualize David’s inner confidence, visit his website and buy all the stuff: davidbeem.com
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